Cleave To Your Spouse, Not Your PASTOR

husband and wife

 

 

 

 

“But there is one thing I want you to know: the head of every man is Christ, the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” (1 Corinthians 11:3) 

For a husband is the head of his wife, as Christ is the Head and Savior of His assembly, which is His own body.” (Ephesians 5:23)

The passages above lay out the order of headship in a Christian marriage. Our heavenly Father is the head of Christ, Christ is the head of the husband, and the husband is the head of his wife.

Notice that NOWHERE in this order of headship is a pastor listed. That’s right. Contrary to what is often taught and practiced in many churches today, pastors aren’t the head of husbands nor another man’s wife.

Husbands: If your pastor has been lifted up to the place of Christ as your head, you are OUT OF ORDER.

Wives: If your pastor has been lifted up to the place of your husband as your head, you are OUT OF ORDER.

Due to idolatry and false teaching, the family unit has been disordered and headship is being usurped/undermined.

Elders/pastors are servants of Christ. Not the head of a husband and another man’s wife.

The order is: The Father—>Christ—->Husband—>Wife

Ephesians 5:21-33 explains that the relationship between a husband and his wife is meant to serve as an illustration of Christ’s relationship to His bride. Just as Christ is the Head of His bride, husbands are the head of their wives. And just as we are to submit to the Lord, wives are to submit to their husbands and respect them. But unfortunately, many husbands and wives today dishonor the Lord and their spouse by putting their pastor before God and their marriage.

I love my pastor

For example, I have seen husbands and wives spend more time, energy, and resources “supporting the pastor’s vision” than supporting their own spouse and their vision for the family.

Without question or hesitation, they are ready to sacrifice their time, talents, energy, and money to fulfill the “vision” of a religious leader. But where is this level of zeal to support their own spouse?

Husbands and wives who are more supportive of a religious leader than their own spouse are OUT OF ORDER. The pastor’s vision to buy a BIGGER building or more buildings does not come before your spouse’s desire to start a business, buy a house, or go back to school. You cannot use God or “ministry” as an excuse to put a leader before your spouse. Disorder isn’t a “ministry,” and God isn’t in that.

Husbands and wives: Your spouse and his/her vision for your family comes before a religious leader and his vision.

Religious leaders who encourage married couples to put them before their spouse and devote all of their resources to supporting their vision over supporting their own spouse are OUT OF ORDER.

Elders/pastors are suppose to encourage husbands and wives to be faithful to one another and support one another in their endeavors.

A wife is suppose to be her HUSBAND’S help-meet, NOT her pastor’s. The PASTOR’S WIFE is his help-meet, not married women in the congregation that he is suppose to be serving and encouraging to be faithful to their husbands.

I have seen husbands and wives shower their pastor with accolades, praise, and adoration. With a starry-eyed look, they boast about how wonderful their pastor is, how anointed and gifted he is, and how blessed they are to have such a mighty man of God in their life.

Am I saying that it’s wrong for us to compliment elders and express appreciation for them? Not at all. But there is a huge difference between giving double honor and idolatry. There is a difference between showing appreciation, and showering someone with praise and accolades as if they died on the cross for your salvation.

We should never boast in a pastor, but only in the Lord Jesus Christ and His Cross. Nor should a husband or wife compliment/honor a pastor more than they compliment/honor one another.

Pastors did not die on the Cross for our sins — Jesus did. Nor did your pastor vow to love you in sickness and in health, for better or for worse — your husband/wife did. No one deserves the fruit of our lips more than Jesus and our spouse.

I have seen husbands and wives gossip, backbite, and harshly criticize their spouse, then turn around and praise their pastor and defend him against all criticism.

So it’s okay to criticize your spouse, but your pastor is immune from all criticism?

Do you feel like your pastor is a better Christian or “more spiritual” than your spouse? Do you think that your pastor is perfect, superhuman, and doesn’t have any character flaws? He does. Surely your spouse has good qualities otherwise you wouldn’t have married them, right? So there are positive qualities that you can compliment your spouse for.

Even if you don’t think your spouse is being as godly as they can be and living up to the standard of Christ, don’t speak death, doom, and discouragement to your marriage by criticizing every short-coming and exposing all of their flaws to your friends.

Pray for and with your spouse, speak LIFE and encouragement to them. Let the law of KINDNESS be on your tongue.

Complimenting your spouse, acknowledging their positive qualities (instead of just focusing on their flaws), and showing them how much you appreciate them can bring out the best in them and invigorate your marriage.

Let your speech be seasoned with GRACE, not grumbling, complaining, and constant fault-finding. After all, you and your spouse are ONE FLESH, which means that their faults are your own and you are to share one another’s burdens which fulfills the Law of Christ.

Wives: Even if your spouse doesn’t obey the Gospel, that’s not an excuse or a justification to put him down, hold a grudge, and be contentious. God’s order for the family still stands, whether your husband is a mature Believer or not. Honor to your husband and respect him, and your godly example will speak to him without words and he will be won over by observing your pure and reverent life (1 Peter 3:1-2).

Praying couple

 

 

 

 

 

Idolizing your pastor, comparing your husband to your pastor, and wishing that your husband was more like your pastor borders on spiritual adultery. It is a form of lust and coveting which can create serious marital conflicts.

Why would you want your husband to be more like your pastor? God doesn’t. God wants him to be more like Jesus. You are trying to mold and shape your husband in the image of a mere mortal.

How would you feel if your husband wanted you to be like another woman? Put yourself in his shoes and do unto him as you would have him do unto you.

Another thing that I have seen is wives building inappropriate closeness and intimacy with their pastors — not sexual intimacy necessarily, but emotional and spiritual intimacy. This often happens through “pastoral counseling” and/or working closely with their pastor in ministry.

Since pastors are often viewed as the most spiritual, the most anointed, the most mature, and the most knowledgeable person in the congregation — some women see them as the first person to run to and confide in about their marriage and personal problems.

Of course, there are times when we must seek wisdom and counsel from those who are mature in the faith — I’m definitely not speaking against that. But it becomes an unhealthy co-dependency when a wife is habitually running to her pastor to confide in him rather than communicate with (and pray with) her own husband.

Your pastor should not be “that strong shoulder to lean on” every time you need someone to talk to. The LORD is our refuge, and our husband should be our first confidante. It’s also helpful to connect with a trustworthy faithful couple who will pray for and with you, and give BOTH you and your husband impartial godly counsel.

Generally speaking, pastors tend to be spread very thin. Their flesh is weak just like any other man’s. Keep that in mind.

Wives should not be running to their pastor every week for a private counseling session. Aside from Jesus, there shouldn’t be a man that a wife confides in more and cleaves to besides her own husband.

Ladies, have you turned your pastor into your personal confidante or therapist?

Take heed.

We have to use wisdom, discernment, and discretion here — when confidential information and secrets are shared with someone of the opposite sex, it can create closeness and intimacy. Combine that with the fact that our flesh is weak and God designed men and women to be attracted to one another — “pastoral counseling” can open the door to inappropriate feelings, daydreaming, and fantasizing.

It begins with a vulnerable wife seeking prayer or ” an encouraging word” from an authority figure that she admires and views as more spiritual than her husband. Next thing you know, she is reflecting on how great of a listener he is, how he always has a comforting word from the Lord, and how he’s always there for her.

With the right ingredients present, an emotional affair or even physical adultery can occur. As wives, we should keep this door closed by avoiding even the appearance of such evil.

Maybe you think your pastor isn’t like that, or you would never cheat on your husband. However, women need to understand that just because a man has a title doesn’t mean he isn’t susceptible to lust and the weaknesses of the flesh.

Just because you’re saved doesn’t mean that you’re magically immune to the possibility of using poor judgment, lack of discretion, and falling into temptation when you’re vulnerable, weak, and looking for a shoulder to lean on. . . especially a man of God’s shoulder.

I’m not saying that we should assume the worst of pastors and view them all as lust buckets who take advantage of women. What I’m saying is that we need to use discernment and wisdom whether someone is a pastor or not. We also need to have a humble and honest perspective of our flesh (it’s weaknesses) and maintain appropriate boundaries (those boundaries will vary from couple to couple) to protect our marriage and guard our heart.

Saints, I’m not drumming up scenarios that don’t exist in real life. I have ministered to numerous Believers whose marriages were damaged or destroyed because their spouse cleaved to and confided in leaders during personal “pastoral counseling” sessions. I have seen bad advice given that led to divorce, and adultery. This is one of the reasons why I firmly believe that the Lord must be our refuge and our husband should be our first confidante. If you need to speak with an outside party, I suggest that both you and your husband speak with a trustworthy faithful couple together.

Titus 2 women

Earlier I mentioned that wives also build inappropriate closeness and intimacy with their pastors by working alongside them too closely (and too often) in ministry. Before you call me an extremist, I’m not saying that men and women cannot minister together, or that women cannot assist pastors. The Scriptures clearly show women ministering to Jesus and the apostles.

The problem is when wives spend more time, energy, and resources assisting and supporting their pastor than taking care of their husbands and children. A part of the reason why this happens is because some women are taught that the “pastor’s vision” is more important than everything else, that “serving the man of God” is equal to serving God, and that church work is more important than taking care of your spouse and children. They are taught to put “the house of God” before their own household. This is a deception and a lie from the enemy. Paul wrote about such leaders — he said that they creep into the households of silly vulnerable women and take them captive. In Titus 1:11, Paul said that they subvert [overthrow, destroy] entire households by their false teaching, and they do it only for money.

Second to a wife’s covenant with Jesus Christ is her marriage covenant with her husband — not some unholy adulterous “covenant,” vow, or “partnership” that she has made with her pastor. Her first responsibility is to Jesus, then her husband and children. Marriage is so important to God that it was the first institution He ordained at Creation.

Pastors who teach married couples to put leadership and church work before their marriage and household are coming against the authority of God and usurping the authority of husbands.

Ladies don’t let anyone try to control, manipulate, and dominate your time, energy, and resources just because they have a title and a church. No pastor should be coercing you to pencil him into everyday of your weekly planner and put him before God and your own husband. Where is the PASTOR’S WIFE? And where are the DEACONS who are suppose to assist elders? Someone needs to STEP UP so that you can step down and tend to your husband and children.

There is a clear principle in Scripture that we must have our own household in order before we try to minister to people OUTSIDE of our home. That principle not only applies to elders/pastors, but to all Believers. How can you serve the pastor and build up his “vision,” institution, and finances while your marriage, children, and finances are crumbling down? What type of witness does that send to non-believers? Is that being a Proverbs 31 woman?

Proverbs 14 -1If you idolize your pastor, you are giving God’s glory and your husband’s honor to an idol. I hope that wives will repent of this grave sin and be reconciled to God and their husbands, giving both the Lord and their husbands the submission, honor, and respect that they deserve.

“Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” (Matthew 19:6)

“For I am jealous for you with the jealousy of God Himself. I promised you as a pure bride to one husband–Christ.” (2 Corinthians 11:2)

Man sleeping in church

One of the reasons why there are not a lot of men in church (the building/institution) is because too many pastors are calling men unto themselves and trying to lord it over them.

Some brothers in the faith have found that it is hard to be a REAL MAN in many churches today because leaders are denying men their God-given ability to be men, through constant subversion and emasculation.

Once again, The head of every man is Christ.” There is no provision here for the pastor to insert himself between a man and Christ as a “spiritual covering.” There is no suggestion in Scripture for a leader to be anywhere near the head of another man. The place of the pastor is at THE FEET of the people they serve, NOT the HEAD:

“Jesus knew that the Father had given Him authority over everything and that he had come from God and would return to God. So He got up from the table, took off His robe, wrapped a towel around His waist, and poured water into a basin. Then He began to wash the disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel He had around Him. . . . After washing their feet,  He put on His robe again and sat down and asked, “Do you understand what I was doing? You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and you are right, because that’s what I am. And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet. I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done unto you.” (John 13:3-5, 12-15)

Jesus has ALL authority in heaven and earth, yet He humbled Himself to serve the Bride He died for. When was the last time you saw a pastor wash the feet of his people? Yet in their limited authority and titles, they want to constantly subject grown men to their “headship” and ‘authority’ demanding servitude and submission. Yet this is NOT the example Jesus gave us. Far too many husbands have been led away from their families to be at the beck and call of men in the pulpit, which is out of order. Adam where are you?

God did not change the order — a husband is to be joined to HIS WIFE and accountable to her. Not caught up in cleaving to some institution called a “church” which in many cases is a front for a man and his “kingdom” — NOT the Kingdom of Jesus Christ.

A shepherd is a servant and a steward of the Gospel, NOT a king. Yet somehow “we the people” have allowed the paradigm to be twisted. This is nothing new — remember Nimrod and Saul were men who lorded it over others to prosper themselves.

In far too many churches, we the people and the men have given up the headship in their home and decided to submit to a king posing as a pastor. Compare your pastor with Christ and king Saul and you will have the answer as to whether you have a humble SERVANT leading by example, or a king looking to be served and usurp power. Look at what God warned the people would happen when they choose a king:

“This is how a king will REIGN OVER YOU,” Samuel said. “The king will draft your sons and assign them to his chariots and his charioteers, making them run before his chariots. Some will be generals and captains in his army, some will be FORCED to plow in his fields and harvest his crops, and some will make his weapons and chariot equipment. The king will TAKE your daughters from you and FORCE them to cook and bake and make perfumes for him. He will TAKE AWAY the best of your fields and vineyards and olive groves and give them to his own officials. He will TAKE (DEMAND) a tenth (a tithe) of your grain and your grape harvest and distribute it among his officers and attendants. He will TAKE your male and female slaves and DEMAND the finest of your cattle and donkeys FOR HIS OWN USE. He will DEMAND a tenth of your flocks, and you will be HIS SLAVES.” (1 Samuel 8:11-17)

Enslaved to a pastor

If the scenario you find yourself in is “TAKE TAKE TAKE” then you have a KING and not a shepherd. Let me make it plain, I have been in churches where the pastor ALWAYS “needs” men to be at the church doing something 24/7. Whether it be a conference, a service, some men’s meeting or prayer service they are ALWAYS draining ALL YOUR TIME and resources to accomplish THEIR vision NOT God’s, because God called men/husbands to head their family FIRST.

Time cannot be allotted in two places at one time, if your pastor has you at some silly service for his needs and to feed his ego then you cannot be available to meet the needs of your wife and family during that same time frame. Men have to use discernment and discretion in these matters. You cannot be concerned about cutting the grass at church when you have your own grass to cut. Serving “kings” and their “kingdoms” of churchianity is NOT equal to serving God when the model and paradigm is out of order.

spiritual father wizardry

One of the ways that men are drawn away from their role as the head of their families is through this witchcraft and wizardry called “Spiritual Fathers” — this dogma is destroying whole households because it bewitches a man who is the head of his family to surrender his headship to another man, and thus empowers that man (“the pastor”) to rule over his family.

Jesus rebuked the scribes and Pharisees for practicing such prideful sorcery in Matthew 23, and He forbid His followers from doing such: “Don’t let anyone call you ‘Rabbi,’ for you have only one teacher, and all of you are equal as brothers and sisters. And don’t address anyone here on earth as ‘Father,’ for only God in heaven is your spiritual Father. And don’t let anyone call you ‘Teacher,’ for you have only one teacher, the Messiah. The greatest among you must be a servant.” (Matthew 23:8-11)

In the Kingdom of God, there is only ONE FATHER and ONE TEACHER in authority as our Head.  And those who want to be GREAT must be servants at the FEET of the saints.

Men must function in their God-given role as the head of their families and guard their hearts against idolatry and false shepherds who would damage and destroy their family. For the family is the model of the true body of Christ.

-In Christ

Djuan Coleon and Evelyn Hawkins

16 thoughts on “Cleave To Your Spouse, Not Your PASTOR

  1. I watched some of your videos on youtube ealier today (with apprehension), and was pleasantly surprised. Everything said was in order and in line with God’s word (which is rare these days). However when I went to you blog and read “Wives: Stop Worshiping Your Pastor!” I was really floored.

    Why?

    I am 49 years old and was raised in what most people today call church (my father being the pastor). I left many years ago and came to know Jesus Christ apart from any of men’s churches but from simply reading the gospel in the Bible and believing it. That was in August of 1989.

    Today many years later I have persecuted by family and friends for not ending up in any man’s church though I tried to fit in to several. I finally came to peace with the issue of finding a church when I accepted the obvious difference in the churches in the Bible and what are called churches today.

    One thing that has amazed me the most is the un-Biblical view that most professing Christians men an women have regarding the role of both in a Christ ordered home. I Men do not want to be men and love their wives as Christ loves the church (which is not small things, and women do not want to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ. Yet as you bring out they will gladly give their pastor the honor that God intended for their husbands.

    Well though not according to my plan, I am yet single, with no children because I chose not to compromise and marry women worshiping God with their mouths only. I am certainly not perfect (that is for sure) but my mind is set to do all that God has required of me to do as a man serving Christ and by God’s grace I shall.

    Great videos and great Blog!

    Troy

    • Correction I meant to type “Today many years later I have [been] persecuted by family………. 🙂

    • Yes, it is amazing how people will fall over themselves to render false worship to their pastors, and not give rightful worship to God and honor their spouse as they should. The men complain about feminism influencing women in the church, yet they (the men) will not step up and function in their God-given role. And the women complain about men not leading well, yet they will not step down and function as Titus 2 women. Repentance is in order for both parties and less blame-shifting and finger-pointing. Sadly, if the households of so-called “elders” are out of order, then where does that leave the rest of the congregation? Whose example will the congregation look to and be convicted by, and encouraged by? When there is no living example in one’s local assembly, God Himself has to intervene and show people the right way since the hirelings and wolves are more focused on increasing “church membership” and “giving units.” This is the state of the apostasy, as prophesied. Good thing our faith is in Jesus Christ and not man and his institutions. God bless you Troy.

      • I agree. I think that the problem we often see as the problems are actually symptoms of the real problems. The churches of men are not preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ but are preaching false gospels. The great majority of women and men I meet actually believe different gospels the most common element being that you must “go to church” to b saved. Of course neither Jesus nor the apostles ever preached that going to church was necessary for justification or sanctification. Also when the writer of Hebrews wrote that they “should not forsake assembling together” there was only one Christian church founded upon one gospel. So unlike today in the beginning what ever church you could find it was a genuine assembly of believers. Today the question begs which of the 33,000+ churches do I assemble with? Without doubt many will say, “my pastor only teaches God word without adding or subtracting anything”, but after many years and many visits I have not found this to be the case once.

        In regards to finger pointing. It is not always the case that calling attention to problems one has seen in the opposite sex is finger pointing (at least not as in the examples you gave). If a woman functions as a Titus 2 woman but she happens to mention that the men she meets do not believe that they are to be the leader in the home. This is not finger pointing nor a case where she like those men needs to repent for not walking in the role God ordained for her. The same is true of men who have in fact stepped up and are functioning in their God given role. If such a man mentions that most women he has met do not accept the role defined for them or him in scripture, this is not finger pointing. I am not suggesting that you were suggesting that such instances would be examples of finger pointing. I simply wish to say that as when Elijah cried out against an apostate Israel, it is not always the case that both the one crying out and the one being cried out against both need to repent for not walking in their God given role.

        I have walked away from several women professing to be Christians who were interested in me and I in them because all of them stated that when Paul wrote that women should submit to their husbands as unto the Lord,; it does not apply to Christian women today. Yet when I ask them do they believe that what he wrote that men should love their wives as Christ loves the church(giving his life for it), yet applies to men; the all said yes. After talking more and finding out that these women honored their pastors word over God’s on many points I told them I would not be seeing them anymore. Of course I was called, ignorant, arrogant, chauvinistic, etc., and even not saved. I prayed for those women and went on my way.

        So when I bring up my experience with women it is not out of a hypocritical finger pointing. The women I have met do not want a man who is going to place Jesus Christ, and his plan for the home and the church 1st; whereas in my marriage and home; that is the only way it is going to be. I am yet waiting for God to bring me in contact with a woman who believes the same because thus far I have not met one. God always has a remnant and they most often are not visibly organized.

        God bless you Evelyn

      • I agree Troy. And in regards to the finger pointing, I am speaking about silly women (written of by Paul) who idolize false teachers, live in sexual sin, etc — yet have the audacity to rant about the short-comings of men in the church today. Meanwhile these very same women are walking in darkness and wouldn’t even submit to a real man of God. . . . and I know that for a fact because they don’t submit to Jesus nor listen to the godly counsel of true men of God on doctrinal matters. If a woman or man will not honor the New Covenant of Jesus Christ, then they will not honor a marriage covenant. If they are not willing to submit to fellow members of the body, then they will not submit to their spouse. It all goes hand in hand.

      • Re: If a woman or man will not honor the New Covenant of Jesus Christ, then they will not honor a marriage covenant. If they are not willing to submit to fellow members of the body, then they will not submit to their spouse. It all goes hand in hand.

        Amen to this and everything else you posted.

  2. Excellent article. I agree wholeheartedly. I’m also like Cal4u and “In Christ & Unchurched”. The Lord called me out of that Babylonian religious system (501c3 yoked with the Beast government) in 2007 after I began reading His Word for myself rather than getting it spoon fed to me by the seminary taught Pastor. I began to uncover one false teaching after another being taught in my Southern Baptist denomination and I began showing these newfound Truth’s to the ladies in my Sunday School class and also to the Pastor. Wasn’t long after that I got a nasty letter from the Pastor and signed by a dozen or deacons to stop “sowing discord” among the “brethren.” All I did was point out what JESUS SAID in HIS WORD, not mine! But it didn’t jive with their “church” dogma and after trying to find another church, I left the last one in disgust after they stood and “pledged allegience” to a FLAG (US flag) which they had standing next to the pastor’s pulpit. Jesus clearly said His kingdom was not of this world (John 18:36) and He Himself was NOT American in the first place. The Holy Spirit burned within me that day with righteous anger. And He let me know soon after when I was thinking about trying to find yet another “church” that there was “no one who really cares about the things of the Lord Jesus.” They all worship a “jesus” but not the TRUTH (Who He really is!John 14:6). If they worshiped the Truth there would be NO denominations (divisions). Furthermore, most, if not all Bible seminaries are owned by the “money changers” (Rockefellers, Rothschilds, etc). They are “simony” preachers who preach for money and are not led by the Holy Spirit. True men of God do not need to “go to seminary” in the first place! see 1 John 2:27. The same “synagogue of Satan” who call themselves Jews but are not and do lie” that Jesus whipped out of the temple. And most Pastors and church denominations are nothing more than modern day Pharisees, yoked with the government via a 501c3 tax exemption which is a corporate contract they sign promising not to preach and teach the full counsel of God’s word. God said it better than I ever could: With regard to Pastors/Priests/Reverends/Rabbis etc: “Thus you also have those who hold the doctrine of the Nicolaitans, which thing I (Jesus) hate.” Rev 2:19 Nico=Ruler Laitan=Laity. I am gifted part of Christ’s body, not a “lay person.” And the prophet Ezekial makes it crystal clear how the Lord feels about most “churches” today: “You erected your shrine at the head of every road, and built your high place in every street. Yet you were not like a harlot, because you scorned payment. You are an adulterous wife, who takes strangers (seminary taught, “pastors/priests” with “theoligical degrees”) instead of her husband (Christ). Men make payment to all harlots, but you made your payments (OT Levitical style tithes and pastor salary) to all your lovers, and HIRED them to come to you from all around for your harlotry. You are the opposite of other women in your harlotry, because no one solicited you to be a harlot. In that you gave payment but no payment was given you, therefore you are the opposite.” Ezekial 16:31-34

    “I have not sat with idolatrous mortals, Nor will I go in with the hypocrites. I have hated the ASSEMBLY of evildoers, And will not sit with the wicked.” Psalm 26:4,5

    “Men of high degree are a lie.” Psalm 62:9

    Churchians follow another jesus, church creeds and doctrines and a seminary “pastor”. True believers follow the TRUTH (the REAL Jesus). John 14:6

    • Amen, you have said it all! The Lord also brought me to Ezekiel 16 (the chapter you posted here) in response to a prayer where I asked Him to give me HIS interpretation of Revelations 17-18. I wanted to know the identity of Mystery Babylon the Mother of Harlots. He showed me that much of what ppl call “church” is a part of Babylon. I was floored, yet also comforted to know that it wasn’t all in my mind. God bless you

  3. I truly agree with your posting. If you are married, then mans responsibility is to their family first. When at fellowship at their local meeting, they hear what the Lord is stating, then they pass it on to the family. Too many pastors have been so involved with their “so-called” ministries that the family suffers, that is NOT biblical. Many children have come out of so-called Christian homes, and have ended up in homosexual lifestyles, or not wanting to follow the Lord, why? Because the family unit is not being built upon the Lords desire on how a family is suppose to function. If parents fail the Lord, then the children will end up being a problem. King David suffered this, and there are many other examples in the Old Testament that prove this.

    Also we have seen since the nineteen eighties, no possibly as early as the 70’s that women have taken a place of authority over the church, and have become pastors, teachers. I know when I first became a follower of Jesus, being a babe in Christ, I got sucked into a home fellowship lead by a woman, which caused her 1st husband to divorce her, then she remarried a younger man years later. We also thought she was a “prophetess” and possibly an Apostle. It ended up in disaster, she lorded it over men, put men down continually, she caused families to split and caused divorces. Her own children deserted her, and left the group, which she blamed upon the “members” lack of obedience to the Lord. Her children, two boys got together and pressed charges against her. Our fellowship was raided, she was arrested, photos of some of the members were splattered on the front pages of the newspapers. It was shocking. I ended up leaving this group due to me being in such confusion, and after I left I thought myself to have been a Judas. I ended up in my old life, I had no hope left, I felt I was lost.

    There were many major false teachings within this group, too numerous to list here, I desire not to take up all the room here. But will share on my blog. Any way the Lord was faithful to bring me back to himself, and it had taken Him years to undo all the damage that I had learned from that group, that group is still in existence to this day, and she back in the early eighties was charged, and had a trial and found guilty, she spent six months in prison, and still feels she suffered for the sake of the Gospel. It is a cult. Many have left but others are still in bondage to this woman, and the group still exists.

    But I like you do not go to a “church”, and many others have left the “system”. I fellowship with like-minded believers every now and then, but I lean strongly upon my Lord, and learn daily from Him, for He is my teacher lead by the Holy Spirit. As it states: 1Jn 2:27 But the anointing which ye have received of him abideth in you, and ye need not that any man teach you: but as the same anointing teacheth you of all things, and is truth, and is no lie, and even as it hath taught you, ye shall abide in him.

    I also am aware that other true believers shall assist me in the way as they share truths they have learned from the Lord, but it is each believers responsibility to learn “of Him”. Like the song “though none go with me, yet will I still follow”. Thank you for sharing this truth. We are living in perilous times, but those who follow the Lord hear his voice, and we SHALL be His sheep, and He shall be our Great Shepherd!
    Amen!

  4. Wow! Nothing but the truth-the whole truth! God has helped us through you guys! Thanks again for obedience. I know you are right. I have lived through this. Thank God my husband and I have been freed! “Oh how He love us so”!

  5. I am so very glad you addressed this very clear and present danger concerning women’s relationship to their pastor. All to often women can and do develop an unhealthy, idolatrous attitude toward their pastor. And when that attitude becomes one such as you’ve described here in this post, then, yes, it is idolatry, in a very real sense. And…. dangerous, not only to their spiritual welfare, but to their own relationship with their husband and marriage. And, as such, can be a form of mental adultery.
    Women need to be aware that a woman’s emotional make up is a very delicate thing, and in spiritual matters, they need to be alert to the fact that they can be vulnerable to forming an unbalanced attachment to their pastor, especially in times of stress and crisis in their homelife and marriages.
    They need to remember when they view the pastor, they are doing so from the “outside looking in”. And a pastor, is as you say, very much a human, just like their own husbands, with their own faults and flaws. Thanks for a timely and well said head’s up on a very real problem we’ve seen all to frequently in recent years.

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