The term demystify means “to eliminate the mystifying features of, to make something easier to understand, to remove the mystery from, to make a (difficult or esoteric) subject clearer and easier to understand.”
I am Christian, female, and Black. . . . among other things. And anyone who is familiar with my videos, writings, and podcasts knows that I embrace all of the aspects of my identity and I will never ignore any facet of who I am in order to fit into anyone’s box.
My spiritual identity in Christ takes precedence over all other aspects of my identity, because of whom I am being identified with — the Lord Jesus. He holds the preeminence, and because of Him, my spiritual identity holds the most significance, the most meaning, the most honor, the most important kind of unity — unity with God the Father.
The primacy of my spiritual identity in Christ does not mean that my biological sex or West African heritage hold no significance or meaning whatsoever. Indeed they do, because God is the one who created biological sex, African people, and knit me together in my mother’s womb. What this means is that my spiritual identity in Christ holds more weight in comparison to any other aspect of my identity, because it is the Lord, and not my femaleness or Blackness, who justifies me and will carry me into an eternity with God after I die.
My spiritual identity in Christ gives me an eternal perspective and changes the way that I view myself, life and the world around me, but it does not change the fact that I am a woman, that I am Black, and that I will have some life experiences that result from being a Black woman.
Why am I saying all of this? I say this because some Christians seem to believe that if you are Black and Christian, then you should ignore what is going on in the Black community, or “just pray about it” and preach the Gospel. Mind you, some of these very same Christians have been vocal against the Black Lives Matter movement, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, the NAACP, Black-on-Black crime, the Black abortion rate, the Black illegitimacy rate, Black single mother headed households, and Black people being on “the Democrat/Liberal plantation” [a racist phrase that they do not use for White liberals/Democrats].
It is apparent to me that such Christians have no problem talking about issues in the Black community. But all of a sudden when Black Christians are discussing issues in the Black community, we are bombarded with cliches and Scriptures taken out of context in an attempt to silence us and stifle discussion. Apparently, it is okay for everyone else to talk about what is happening in the Black community except Black Christians. The condition of Black people is not going to improve if we keep silent and “just pray.” And as for this idea that Black Christians should “just preach the Gospel” — I will preach the Gospel AND address issues in the Black community. I refuse to do one and not the other, because the two aren’t mutually exclusive. Love compels me to do both.
Over the years, I have proclaimed Christ and Him crucified and have publicly addressed issues that affect Christians, women, and Black people, and I have never, and will never, let anyone hop on one of my platforms and attempt to dictate what I should or shouldn’t talk about. There are people who think that I should stop talking about Black issues. There are people who think that I should stop talking about Jesus. There are people who think that I should stop talking about women’s issues. Well, you can hate me now. . . cause I won’t stop now. I will not suppress my voice or ignore reality in order to make other people feel happy, comfortable in their sins and ignorance, or conform to their expectations. Here at Exit Churchianity, I. Talk. About. It. All.
In the near future, I will be hosting a conversation where some savvy sisters and myself demystify the singleness of Black women.
I don’t know about you, but I am beyond tired of folks telling single Black women why they are single and making absurd claims that are based on ahistorical propaganda, negative stereotypes, misogynistic beliefs, and false religious teachings.
For example, Black women are being told that they are single because. . . .
♦ They aren’t spiritual or godly enough to be married yet
♦ God is still preparing them for their future husband
♦ God is teaching them how to be content in their singleness
♦ They aren’t a Proverbs 31 woman or Titus 2 woman
♦ They dress immodestly
♦ They aren’t virgins
♦ They had children out of wedlock
♦ They are single mothers
♦ They are “too independent”
♦ They say that they “don’t need a man”
♦ They prefer government assistance over a loving husband
♦ They are “insubmissive”
♦ They won’t “let a man be a man,” “let a man lead,” or “let the man be the head”
♦ They want to “wear the pants” and “be the man” in the relationship
♦ They aren’t feminine and ladylike
♦ They’re “too educated” and career-oriented
♦ They’re gold-diggers
♦ They choose thugs over good Black men
♦ Their standards are too high
♦ Their physical appearance is unattractive (obesity, weave, makeup, etc)
♦ Feminism, women’s empowerment, and women’s equality
The claims above, among many others, are perpetuated by religious leaders, women’s ministries, women’s mentors, relationship gurus, celebrities in the entertainment and music industry, movies, books, the mainstream media, by political conservatives, and by Black women themselves.
But are these claims true, or false? Are Black women single because there is something wrong with them and they have some kind of deficiency? If Black women change themselves to be as desirable and attractive as possible, will their marriage rates necessarily increase?
What role, if any, do women’s ministries, women’s mentors, and relationship gurus play in the singleness of Black women?
Are women’s ministries, women’s mentors, and relationship gurus aware of the real reasons why Black women are single? Do they need to be aware? Are they in denial?
Are women’s ministries encouraging Black women to position themselves for the best man possible?
Are Black women being helped or harmed by the narrative that they are to blame for their own singleness?
There is so little time and I have so many questions (and answers!) on this important issue. If you are interested in hearing what Black Christian women have to say about an issue that affects us personally, follow this blog so that I can update you and tell you when and where this exciting conversation will take place.
If you are a leader or mentor who engages and influences Black women, you definitely want to tune in and hear us debunk fiction with FACTS. It is important for you to know the cultural context of your audience and understand the reality that they are dealing with. If you do not know the real reasons why so many Black women are single, you are at a disadvantage, especially if you are instructing them about singleness, dating, and marriage. Let us empower you to better serve Black women as we educate you on this critical issue.
If you are a Black Christian woman who desires a healthy, loving, Christ-centered marriage and you are wondering why you are STILL single in your 30’s and 40’s, this conversation is for you. If you are wondering why so many beautiful, successful, kind-hearted Black women in your social circle are STILL single, this conversation is for you. If you are tired of hearing the same ole churchy jargon about waiting for your Boaz, being a Proverbs 31 woman, “Biblical womanhood,” “a woman’s role” blah blah blah. . . . and you’re STILL single, this conversation is for you.
Whether you think that you will agree or disagree with what we’re going to say, you need to subscribe to this blog and follow Exit Churchianity on Facebook, so that you know when and where we’re going to say it.
Save your thoughts, essays, sermons, and soliloquies for the conversation. Do your homework and come prepared, because I’m over here getting my receipts together.
Talk to you soon 🙂
Evelyn, The Feminine Firebrand