4 Reasons Why I’m Tired of “Women’s Ministry”

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Bear with me as I attempt to organize and express my thoughts.

First let me say what I’m not tired of. . .

I’m not tired of cultivating genuine friendships with sisters in Christ.

I’m not tired of gleaning godly wisdom from older women in The Faith.

I’m not tired of learning how to have a stronger marriage and love my husband and our son more deeply.

I’m not tired of those precious Spirit-led “Titus 2 moments” that can only be shared by sisters in Christ.

I believe that it is important for Believing women to connect with and be discipled by other women in The Faith – women who model the character of Christ, hold to sound doctrine, and graciously help other women grapple with life’s issues according to Christ and His word.

I appreciate those women who effectively influence other women for Christ and encourage us in the Refiner’s fire as the Father conforms us into the image of His Son.

In saying that, I want you to know that my list isn’t a judgment, a condemnation, or a criticism of every. single. solitary. women’s ministry on earth.

So let’s all relax, take a deep breath, and “goosfraba.”

There are some amazing women out there pouring Gospel-packed wisdom into the lives of other women in the public eye, in local congregations, and in intimate settings.

So please know that I’m not sharing this list as if to say that all women’s ministries are guilty of these things or somehow ungodly.

Neither am I sharing this list as if to say, “I’m a flawless perfect woman who ministers to everyone perfectly and everything that I have ever said and done has been godly and pleasing to the Father.”

I didn’t write this article with my nose in the air looking down on others as if I’m a “super saint.” I’m just a woman who is saved by grace and I’m honestly tired of some of the things that I have seen and experienced under the banner of “women’s ministry.”

This isn’t a “95 Theses.” These are just my thoughts about why I’m tired of “women’s ministries.”

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1.Jesus is a footnote.

Sure, Jesus is mentioned. But He’s typically mentioned as someone who boosts the self-esteem of women, makes us feel valuable and beautiful, sends single women husbands, and manifests our desires.

He is presented as someone who is in the periphery of our life, waiting on us hand and foot to do our will, make us feel better, and make our lives better.

He is Lord “by statement of faith only” but not in practice and consistent teaching.

This is diametrically-opposed to Scripture which emphasizes the preeminence of Christ (Colossians 1:15-20, Hebrews 1).

Jesus isn’t merely some genie in a bottle who affirms us as women, makes our lives better, makes us feel better, and grants our desires.

He is eternal life (1 John 1:1-4). He is the Word of God through whom all things were created (John 1:1-4). He is the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End (Revelations 22:13). He is worshiped by the heavenly host (Revelations 5:1-14).

This might sound odd to some of you, but “Biblical womanhood” and “femininity” shouldn’t have the preeminence in women’s ministry — Jesus should.

There are too many teachings about how to be a godly woman, and not enough teachings about the one who makes us godly: Jesus.

Many women’s ministries have it backwards. They think that if they emphasize “Biblical womanhood,” women will become more godly.

True godliness, however, does not come from emphasizing Biblical womanhood. True godliness comes from teaching women about Christ so that we can behold Him and be transformed by the Holy Spirit into His image and reflect His glory.

“So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.” (2 Corinthians 3:18)

Many women have a form of godliness because they are being taught about “Biblical womanhood” more than Christ Himself.

If you look at the attributes that Scripture says holy women are to have, you will see that Jesus exemplified these attributes in the Gospels. So it’s being conformed to His image that makes us godly women, not conforming to someone’s ideal of “Biblical womanhood.”

Jesus created women in His image, so we need to learn of Him if we are to exemplify true godliness as women. It’s not about being a “better woman” or being “more feminine,” often times according to subjective cultural religious standards. It’s about being more like Christ which means denying ourselves and taking up our cross daily.

“He must increase, but I must decrease.” (John 3:30)

Jesus should not be a footnote in a women’s ministry. He should be the object of our worship, and conforming to His image should be the first and foremost purpose of anything that is said and done under the banner of “women’s ministry.”

2. The Gospel is rarely proclaimed or it’s watered down.

This probably concerns me the most, because many women who follow women’s ministries aren’t saved – many are lost, religious, and still in need of the Gospel.

The most important message that any women’s ministry can teach is the Gospel, because the Gospel is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes (Romans 1:16).

There is a place for teaching women about femininity, courting and marriage, sexual discipline, parenting, how to succeed God’s way in our careers, academics, and finances, having a positive attitude, and how to live morally upright in an immoral generation.

None of these teachings, however, are the Gospel message. None of these teachings can redeem a woman, regenerate her heart, reconcile her back to God, give her eternal life, and save her soul from sin and the second death.

I’m concerned that many women are being taught how to be outwardly moral, have a positive mindset, feel good about themselves, be successful, be physically fit, look nice, be good wives and mothers, how to groom for marriage, how to be feminine, and be a “good person,” but they haven’t heard the Gospel. What is the point in learning all of these things only to die and perish in sin?

The ultimate purpose of women’s ministry isn’t to teach women how to feel better, look better, think positive, and improve themselves. Otherwise, there is no difference between “women’s ministry” and secular self-improvement or secular women’s empowerment, except for a thin outer “Christian” layer.

The ultimate purpose of women’s ministry should be to glorify God through the mutual edification of Believing women and the preaching of the Gospel.

Here in America, we are living in a society where most people who profess faith in Christ don’t know Him and have very little idea of what the Gospel is. This includes those in the pews. Considering this, we should proclaim the Gospel in any sphere of influence that God gives us.

It’s a travesty to mentor and “empower” women who are headed towards an eternity without God because they have never heard the Gospel.

Many “women’s ministries” are omitting the most important and essential life-saving message that women can ever hear — that by repenting and believing in the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus  Christ, they can be saved and have eternal life.

Other “women’s ministries” have edited the Gospel and promote false gospels based on Word-Faith/prosperity heresy, the American dream, “purpose-driven-church-growth” nonsense, political philosophies, New Age philosophy, and works-based teachings that if you believe in Jesus and “do your best to be a good person” you will go to heaven when you die.

There are women out there who have extremely popular “women’s ministries,” but promote a distorted false “gospel” and do not proclaim the truth of the Gospel to their supporters (Galatians 1:6-9).

There is a danger in promoting false gospels, because false gospels indoctrinate people against the true Gospel of Christ and deceive them into thinking that they are right with God when they are not.

Believing a false gospel can lead to a false conversion and a false “salvation.” This places the souls of women who believe a false gospel in grave danger and can harden their heart against the true Gospel.

3. It’s too “tiptoe through the tulips” for me.

As many of you know, I’m passionate about helping people navigate through the messy and painful side of “church.” The spiritual abuse, sexual abuse, financial exploitation, and other forms of severe mistreatment. I discuss it all here.

My vision for Exit Churchianity was to provide an oasis where Believers feel comfortable sharing about these things free from unrighteous judgments, know that they aren’t alone, and find encouragement to “fight the good fight” and “keep the faith.”

I also have a heart for engaging individuals within the Black Consciousness Movement and addressing cultural issues that are unique to the Black community from a Biblical perspective.

As you can imagine, this has made me a bit of a firebrand and an outspoken person.

I tend not to shy away from serious issues in the professing Christian community, especially if people are being misled and subjugated and lives are being destroyed.

Many women’s ministries on the other hand tend to encourage women to be passive, docile, politically correct, spiritually obtuse and oblivious, and avoid bringing up serious issues in the professing Christian community and society at large.

It’s as if some women’s ministries have this unspoken rule not to discuss the dysfunctional and damaging things going on in the name of Christ. And to just go along with whatever the activity, program, or topical teaching is in a “baby shower” “tea party-like” environment.

Everything has to be “nicey nicey,” sweet and sugary, neat, smooth and seamless, pink and fluffy, overly sentimental, prim and proper, warm cookies and flowers, care bears and rainbows, and “dancing through the daffodils” to the Sound of Music soundtrack.

Okay. Maybe I over-exaggerated a bit. But hopefully you get the point.

I’m ready to “grab the bull by the horns” and tackle real life issues – not sit around twiddling my thumbs in a politically-correct environment listening to endless topical messages about “Biblical womanhood” and gushy emotional stuff.

Tip toe through the tulips? No thanks. I’d much rather be in the trenches going to war in the Spirit.

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4. I can’t relate.

There are a few reasons why.

A. Most women’s ministries (that I have seen) don’t address the cultural issues that I deal with as a Christian woman who has African ancestry and lives in a low-income predominantly Black neighborhood.

I find that many women simply don’t want to talk about these things, because it makes them feel uncomfortable, they were taught that Believers shouldn’t discuss cultural issues, they don’t care, or they just aren’t aware of what is going on.

The general message that I get is to stay within the parameters of middle upper class white picket fence American Churchianity and just focus on being prosperous, nice, and having a positive mental attitude with Bible Scriptures sprinkled in. But don’t talk about cultural issues, because that’s “worldly.”

B. I can’t relate to women’s ministries where the Scriptures are skimmed over in a surface-level way, eisegeted on a regular basis, and quoted to support man-centered teachings.

I’m more into sound expositional verse-by-verse preaching and teaching of the Scriptures. Not cliche messages, endless topical messages that use Scripture as a proof text, and unbiblical teachings based on secular self-empowerment, pop psychology, New Age philosophy, Word-Faith heresy, or borderline “Full Quiver” hyper-patriarchy right-wing “family values” ideology that idolizes a man-made construct of “femininity” and takes “Biblical womanhood” to an extreme.

C. I can’t relate because quite frankly, I can be a mess at times.

There are days when I’m overwhelmed and I just want to isolate in my bedroom and play the Wii all day.

I roll my eyes. I get irritated. Sometimes I honk at bad drivers in traffic (or tell them off to myself).

But in many women’s ministries, some women act like they have it all together and everything is perfect.

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I’m not saying that we have to show our flaws to everyone in order to be “authentic.” There is such a thing as oversharing and we have to use wisdom when it comes to who we divulge things to because not everyone is trustworthy.

But there is an opposite extreme to that, where many women feel like they have to conceal who they really are and project a flawless image to other women or pretend to be stronger or more spiritual than they really are.

Some women who lead women’s ministries brag and boast (either overtly or subtly) about their material possessions and make sure that they flaunt something expensive in their selfies to let others know that they’re “walking in the blessings of God.”

Meanwhile their supporters are struggling financially and barely making ends meet, yet they are the ones sending donations so that the women (and couples) over these ‘ministries’ can live comfortably, fly first class, and afford expensive things.

Then, from their throne of worldly comfort and opulence, they lecture other women in a “stuck up cheerleader” way about prosperity, success, and how God will bless you (materially) if you “sow a seed” (send them donations).

At any rate, the plastic Barbie doll-like women’s ministries are a huge turn-off for me.

D. I can’t relate to all of the messages about marriage and child-rearing.

I’m not sure why “Biblical womanhood” and women’s ministry have been reduced to the subjects of marriage and child-rearing.

I mean, sure, women get married and have children. But getting married and having children aren’t the end-all-be-all of womanhood and salvation. The Scriptures sure don’t paint that picture.

Jesus didn’t save us so that we can get married and have children. He saved us so that we would know Him and be with Him forever. For some reason, the message and purpose of salvation has been obscured by mountains of messages on marriage and parenting.

When you get married and have children, you don’t cease to exist as an individual and absorb into your husband and children like “the blob.”

What about women who aren’t married and don’t have children? How many messages do they have to hear about waiting on their Boaz and grooming for marriage? What if a sister in Christ isn’t called to marriage and parenting, and she just wants to devote her life solely to Christ without distraction?

And while we’re at it, how many messages must we endure about modesty? I’m all for modesty, but sometimes I think that we are beating a dead horse and running that subject into the ground.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t talk about marriage, child-rearing, and modesty. But surely there’s more to being a Believing woman than that. Yet in some circles, serving Christ has been eclipsed by teachings about marriage, child-rearing, and modesty which brings me back to point #1.

In closing, the main reason why women’s ministry isn’t working is because in many cases, Christ isn’t the focus.

When Christ isn’t the focus, women don’t find rest for their souls.

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

When Christ isn’t the focus, women hunger and thirst spiritually.

I tell you the truth, anyone who believes has eternal life. Yes, I am the bread of life! Your ancestors ate manna in the wilderness, but they all died. Anyone who eats the bread from heaven, however, will never die. I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Anyone who eats this bread will live forever; and this bread, which I will offer so the world may live, is my flesh.” (John 6:17-51)

Jesus replied, “If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living waterJesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.” (John 4:10, 13-14)

When Christ isn’t the focus, women remain in bondage to sin and lies. They are tossed to and fro with every wind of doctrine, and “ever learning,” but never come into the knowledge of the truth which can set them free.

Jesus said to the people who believed in him, “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32)

Many women are walking around wounded, tired, confused, and trying to find something to heal them, strengthen them, give them clarity, and make them whole and complete.

So they look to women’s ministries for the answer, only to be taught about everything except Christ. They twist, turn, bend and contort themselves to conform to some concept of “Biblical womanhood” which diverts them from conforming to Christ.

Meanwhile the Lord is diminished as some figure in the background who makes things better, and not our very life and the one in whom we move, breathe, exist, and have our being.

For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body. So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.” (Colossians 2:9-10)

There are many good things about women’s ministry, but I think that when Christ isn’t the focus and other things are, women’s ministry becomes a “wilderness” where women travel in circles and go through the motions of dead religion.

We need to go back to our first love.

Christ is the nucleus of our faith, and when He is our focus, women find abundant life, truth, grace, healing, strength, rest, comfort, and spiritual liberty.

“As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home.

Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught.

But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”

But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details!

There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42)

Cleave To Your Spouse, Not Your PASTOR

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“But there is one thing I want you to know: the head of every man is Christ, the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” (1 Corinthians 11:3) 

For a husband is the head of his wife, as Christ is the Head and Savior of His assembly, which is His own body.” (Ephesians 5:23)

The passages above lay out the order of headship in a Christian marriage. Our heavenly Father is the head of Christ, Christ is the head of the husband, and the husband is the head of his wife.

Notice that NOWHERE in this order of headship is a pastor listed. That’s right. Contrary to what is often taught and practiced in many churches today, pastors aren’t the head of husbands nor another man’s wife.

Husbands: If your pastor has been lifted up to the place of Christ as your head, you are OUT OF ORDER.

Wives: If your pastor has been lifted up to the place of your husband as your head, you are OUT OF ORDER.

Due to idolatry and false teaching, the family unit has been disordered and headship is being usurped/undermined.

Elders/pastors are servants of Christ. Not the head of a husband and another man’s wife.

The order is: The Father—>Christ—->Husband—>Wife

Ephesians 5:21-33 explains that the relationship between a husband and his wife is meant to serve as an illustration of Christ’s relationship to His bride. Just as Christ is the Head of His bride, husbands are the head of their wives. And just as we are to submit to the Lord, wives are to submit to their husbands and respect them. But unfortunately, many husbands and wives today dishonor the Lord and their spouse by putting their pastor before God and their marriage.

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For example, I have seen husbands and wives spend more time, energy, and resources “supporting the pastor’s vision” than supporting their own spouse and their vision for the family.

Without question or hesitation, they are ready to sacrifice their time, talents, energy, and money to fulfill the “vision” of a religious leader. But where is this level of zeal to support their own spouse?

Husbands and wives who are more supportive of a religious leader than their own spouse are OUT OF ORDER. The pastor’s vision to buy a BIGGER building or more buildings does not come before your spouse’s desire to start a business, buy a house, or go back to school. You cannot use God or “ministry” as an excuse to put a leader before your spouse. Disorder isn’t a “ministry,” and God isn’t in that.

Husbands and wives: Your spouse and his/her vision for your family comes before a religious leader and his vision.

Religious leaders who encourage married couples to put them before their spouse and devote all of their resources to supporting their vision over supporting their own spouse are OUT OF ORDER.

Elders/pastors are suppose to encourage husbands and wives to be faithful to one another and support one another in their endeavors.

A wife is suppose to be her HUSBAND’S help-meet, NOT her pastor’s. The PASTOR’S WIFE is his help-meet, not married women in the congregation that he is suppose to be serving and encouraging to be faithful to their husbands.

I have seen husbands and wives shower their pastor with accolades, praise, and adoration. With a starry-eyed look, they boast about how wonderful their pastor is, how anointed and gifted he is, and how blessed they are to have such a mighty man of God in their life.

Am I saying that it’s wrong for us to compliment elders and express appreciation for them? Not at all. But there is a huge difference between giving double honor and idolatry. There is a difference between showing appreciation, and showering someone with praise and accolades as if they died on the cross for your salvation.

We should never boast in a pastor, but only in the Lord Jesus Christ and His Cross. Nor should a husband or wife compliment/honor a pastor more than they compliment/honor one another.

Pastors did not die on the Cross for our sins — Jesus did. Nor did your pastor vow to love you in sickness and in health, for better or for worse — your husband/wife did. No one deserves the fruit of our lips more than Jesus and our spouse.

I have seen husbands and wives gossip, backbite, and harshly criticize their spouse, then turn around and praise their pastor and defend him against all criticism.

So it’s okay to criticize your spouse, but your pastor is immune from all criticism?

Do you feel like your pastor is a better Christian or “more spiritual” than your spouse? Do you think that your pastor is perfect, superhuman, and doesn’t have any character flaws? He does. Surely your spouse has good qualities otherwise you wouldn’t have married them, right? So there are positive qualities that you can compliment your spouse for.

Even if you don’t think your spouse is being as godly as they can be and living up to the standard of Christ, don’t speak death, doom, and discouragement to your marriage by criticizing every short-coming and exposing all of their flaws to your friends.

Pray for and with your spouse, speak LIFE and encouragement to them. Let the law of KINDNESS be on your tongue.

Complimenting your spouse, acknowledging their positive qualities (instead of just focusing on their flaws), and showing them how much you appreciate them can bring out the best in them and invigorate your marriage.

Let your speech be seasoned with GRACE, not grumbling, complaining, and constant fault-finding. After all, you and your spouse are ONE FLESH, which means that their faults are your own and you are to share one another’s burdens which fulfills the Law of Christ.

Wives: Even if your spouse doesn’t obey the Gospel, that’s not an excuse or a justification to put him down, hold a grudge, and be contentious. God’s order for the family still stands, whether your husband is a mature Believer or not. Honor to your husband and respect him, and your godly example will speak to him without words and he will be won over by observing your pure and reverent life (1 Peter 3:1-2).

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Idolizing your pastor, comparing your husband to your pastor, and wishing that your husband was more like your pastor borders on spiritual adultery. It is a form of lust and coveting which can create serious marital conflicts.

Why would you want your husband to be more like your pastor? God doesn’t. God wants him to be more like Jesus. You are trying to mold and shape your husband in the image of a mere mortal.

How would you feel if your husband wanted you to be like another woman? Put yourself in his shoes and do unto him as you would have him do unto you.

Another thing that I have seen is wives building inappropriate closeness and intimacy with their pastors — not sexual intimacy necessarily, but emotional and spiritual intimacy. This often happens through “pastoral counseling” and/or working closely with their pastor in ministry.

Since pastors are often viewed as the most spiritual, the most anointed, the most mature, and the most knowledgeable person in the congregation — some women see them as the first person to run to and confide in about their marriage and personal problems.

Of course, there are times when we must seek wisdom and counsel from those who are mature in the faith — I’m definitely not speaking against that. But it becomes an unhealthy co-dependency when a wife is habitually running to her pastor to confide in him rather than communicate with (and pray with) her own husband.

Your pastor should not be “that strong shoulder to lean on” every time you need someone to talk to. The LORD is our refuge, and our husband should be our first confidante. It’s also helpful to connect with a trustworthy faithful couple who will pray for and with you, and give BOTH you and your husband impartial godly counsel.

Generally speaking, pastors tend to be spread very thin. Their flesh is weak just like any other man’s. Keep that in mind.

Wives should not be running to their pastor every week for a private counseling session. Aside from Jesus, there shouldn’t be a man that a wife confides in more and cleaves to besides her own husband.

Ladies, have you turned your pastor into your personal confidante or therapist?

Take heed.

We have to use wisdom, discernment, and discretion here — when confidential information and secrets are shared with someone of the opposite sex, it can create closeness and intimacy. Combine that with the fact that our flesh is weak and God designed men and women to be attracted to one another — “pastoral counseling” can open the door to inappropriate feelings, daydreaming, and fantasizing.

It begins with a vulnerable wife seeking prayer or ” an encouraging word” from an authority figure that she admires and views as more spiritual than her husband. Next thing you know, she is reflecting on how great of a listener he is, how he always has a comforting word from the Lord, and how he’s always there for her.

With the right ingredients present, an emotional affair or even physical adultery can occur. As wives, we should keep this door closed by avoiding even the appearance of such evil.

Maybe you think your pastor isn’t like that, or you would never cheat on your husband. However, women need to understand that just because a man has a title doesn’t mean he isn’t susceptible to lust and the weaknesses of the flesh.

Just because you’re saved doesn’t mean that you’re magically immune to the possibility of using poor judgment, lack of discretion, and falling into temptation when you’re vulnerable, weak, and looking for a shoulder to lean on. . . especially a man of God’s shoulder.

I’m not saying that we should assume the worst of pastors and view them all as lust buckets who take advantage of women. What I’m saying is that we need to use discernment and wisdom whether someone is a pastor or not. We also need to have a humble and honest perspective of our flesh (it’s weaknesses) and maintain appropriate boundaries (those boundaries will vary from couple to couple) to protect our marriage and guard our heart.

Saints, I’m not drumming up scenarios that don’t exist in real life. I have ministered to numerous Believers whose marriages were damaged or destroyed because their spouse cleaved to and confided in leaders during personal “pastoral counseling” sessions. I have seen bad advice given that led to divorce, and adultery. This is one of the reasons why I firmly believe that the Lord must be our refuge and our husband should be our first confidante. If you need to speak with an outside party, I suggest that both you and your husband speak with a trustworthy faithful couple together.

Titus 2 women

Earlier I mentioned that wives also build inappropriate closeness and intimacy with their pastors by working alongside them too closely (and too often) in ministry. Before you call me an extremist, I’m not saying that men and women cannot minister together, or that women cannot assist pastors. The Scriptures clearly show women ministering to Jesus and the apostles.

The problem is when wives spend more time, energy, and resources assisting and supporting their pastor than taking care of their husbands and children. A part of the reason why this happens is because some women are taught that the “pastor’s vision” is more important than everything else, that “serving the man of God” is equal to serving God, and that church work is more important than taking care of your spouse and children. They are taught to put “the house of God” before their own household. This is a deception and a lie from the enemy. Paul wrote about such leaders — he said that they creep into the households of silly vulnerable women and take them captive. In Titus 1:11, Paul said that they subvert [overthrow, destroy] entire households by their false teaching, and they do it only for money.

Second to a wife’s covenant with Jesus Christ is her marriage covenant with her husband — not some unholy adulterous “covenant,” vow, or “partnership” that she has made with her pastor. Her first responsibility is to Jesus, then her husband and children. Marriage is so important to God that it was the first institution He ordained at Creation.

Pastors who teach married couples to put leadership and church work before their marriage and household are coming against the authority of God and usurping the authority of husbands.

Ladies don’t let anyone try to control, manipulate, and dominate your time, energy, and resources just because they have a title and a church. No pastor should be coercing you to pencil him into everyday of your weekly planner and put him before God and your own husband. Where is the PASTOR’S WIFE? And where are the DEACONS who are suppose to assist elders? Someone needs to STEP UP so that you can step down and tend to your husband and children.

There is a clear principle in Scripture that we must have our own household in order before we try to minister to people OUTSIDE of our home. That principle not only applies to elders/pastors, but to all Believers. How can you serve the pastor and build up his “vision,” institution, and finances while your marriage, children, and finances are crumbling down? What type of witness does that send to non-believers? Is that being a Proverbs 31 woman?

Proverbs 14 -1If you idolize your pastor, you are giving God’s glory and your husband’s honor to an idol. I hope that wives will repent of this grave sin and be reconciled to God and their husbands, giving both the Lord and their husbands the submission, honor, and respect that they deserve.

“Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” (Matthew 19:6)

“For I am jealous for you with the jealousy of God Himself. I promised you as a pure bride to one husband–Christ.” (2 Corinthians 11:2)

Man sleeping in church

One of the reasons why there are not a lot of men in church (the building/institution) is because too many pastors are calling men unto themselves and trying to lord it over them.

Some brothers in the faith have found that it is hard to be a REAL MAN in many churches today because leaders are denying men their God-given ability to be men, through constant subversion and emasculation.

Once again, The head of every man is Christ.” There is no provision here for the pastor to insert himself between a man and Christ as a “spiritual covering.” There is no suggestion in Scripture for a leader to be anywhere near the head of another man. The place of the pastor is at THE FEET of the people they serve, NOT the HEAD:

“Jesus knew that the Father had given Him authority over everything and that he had come from God and would return to God. So He got up from the table, took off His robe, wrapped a towel around His waist, and poured water into a basin. Then He began to wash the disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel He had around Him. . . . After washing their feet,  He put on His robe again and sat down and asked, “Do you understand what I was doing? You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and you are right, because that’s what I am. And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet. I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done unto you.” (John 13:3-5, 12-15)

Jesus has ALL authority in heaven and earth, yet He humbled Himself to serve the Bride He died for. When was the last time you saw a pastor wash the feet of his people? Yet in their limited authority and titles, they want to constantly subject grown men to their “headship” and ‘authority’ demanding servitude and submission. Yet this is NOT the example Jesus gave us. Far too many husbands have been led away from their families to be at the beck and call of men in the pulpit, which is out of order. Adam where are you?

God did not change the order — a husband is to be joined to HIS WIFE and accountable to her. Not caught up in cleaving to some institution called a “church” which in many cases is a front for a man and his “kingdom” — NOT the Kingdom of Jesus Christ.

A shepherd is a servant and a steward of the Gospel, NOT a king. Yet somehow “we the people” have allowed the paradigm to be twisted. This is nothing new — remember Nimrod and Saul were men who lorded it over others to prosper themselves.

In far too many churches, we the people and the men have given up the headship in their home and decided to submit to a king posing as a pastor. Compare your pastor with Christ and king Saul and you will have the answer as to whether you have a humble SERVANT leading by example, or a king looking to be served and usurp power. Look at what God warned the people would happen when they choose a king:

“This is how a king will REIGN OVER YOU,” Samuel said. “The king will draft your sons and assign them to his chariots and his charioteers, making them run before his chariots. Some will be generals and captains in his army, some will be FORCED to plow in his fields and harvest his crops, and some will make his weapons and chariot equipment. The king will TAKE your daughters from you and FORCE them to cook and bake and make perfumes for him. He will TAKE AWAY the best of your fields and vineyards and olive groves and give them to his own officials. He will TAKE (DEMAND) a tenth (a tithe) of your grain and your grape harvest and distribute it among his officers and attendants. He will TAKE your male and female slaves and DEMAND the finest of your cattle and donkeys FOR HIS OWN USE. He will DEMAND a tenth of your flocks, and you will be HIS SLAVES.” (1 Samuel 8:11-17)

Enslaved to a pastor

If the scenario you find yourself in is “TAKE TAKE TAKE” then you have a KING and not a shepherd. Let me make it plain, I have been in churches where the pastor ALWAYS “needs” men to be at the church doing something 24/7. Whether it be a conference, a service, some men’s meeting or prayer service they are ALWAYS draining ALL YOUR TIME and resources to accomplish THEIR vision NOT God’s, because God called men/husbands to head their family FIRST.

Time cannot be allotted in two places at one time, if your pastor has you at some silly service for his needs and to feed his ego then you cannot be available to meet the needs of your wife and family during that same time frame. Men have to use discernment and discretion in these matters. You cannot be concerned about cutting the grass at church when you have your own grass to cut. Serving “kings” and their “kingdoms” of churchianity is NOT equal to serving God when the model and paradigm is out of order.

spiritual father wizardry

One of the ways that men are drawn away from their role as the head of their families is through this witchcraft and wizardry called “Spiritual Fathers” — this dogma is destroying whole households because it bewitches a man who is the head of his family to surrender his headship to another man, and thus empowers that man (“the pastor”) to rule over his family.

Jesus rebuked the scribes and Pharisees for practicing such prideful sorcery in Matthew 23, and He forbid His followers from doing such: “Don’t let anyone call you ‘Rabbi,’ for you have only one teacher, and all of you are equal as brothers and sisters. And don’t address anyone here on earth as ‘Father,’ for only God in heaven is your spiritual Father. And don’t let anyone call you ‘Teacher,’ for you have only one teacher, the Messiah. The greatest among you must be a servant.” (Matthew 23:8-11)

In the Kingdom of God, there is only ONE FATHER and ONE TEACHER in authority as our Head.  And those who want to be GREAT must be servants at the FEET of the saints.

Men must function in their God-given role as the head of their families and guard their hearts against idolatry and false shepherds who would damage and destroy their family. For the family is the model of the true body of Christ.

-In Christ

Djuan Coleon and Evelyn Hawkins